


if there's a light at the end it's just the sun in your eyes

by mattiebluebird (ScarlettBond)



Category: Angel Beats!
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Wings, Angels, Angst, Fallen Angels, Guardian Angels, I've only seen the anime so characterization is probably off, Medical Procedures, Multi, Rated E for Exposition, Slow Burn, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Character Death, Wings, recovering from trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24637342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettBond/pseuds/mattiebluebird
Summary: The first question they asked him: "Do you want to die?"The first mistake he made: "No."(A different kind of story.)
Relationships: Hinata Hideki & Otonashi Yuzuru, Hinata Hideki/Otonashi Yuzuru, Hinata Hideki/Otonashi Yuzuru/Tachibana Kanade | Angel, Hinata Hideki/Yui (past), Otonashi Yuzuru/Tachibana Kanade | Angel
Kudos: 10





	1. you know we're gonna be legends

**Author's Note:**

> Story + chapter titles from the song "Young God" by Halsey.

**Open your eyes.**

Otonashi Yuzuru opened his eyes. Everything was clear, colorless. It was bright, but that didn't bother him.

**Remember.**

He remembered. He remembered _everything_ \- his childhood, the death of his sister, deciding to become a doctor, the train accident, his own slow death. No emotion followed the memories.

(That would come later.)

**Do you want to die?**

"No," he said. He never had.

**Good. Then we-**

( _Shapes_.)

**-have things to discuss.**

He gasped and felt the first spark of emotion ( _alarm_ ) as he looked around. A desk. A room. A person. Beyond that, he had no idea what he was looking at. Everything was smooth with no details, no texture. There was no color, just outlines and shapes and silhouettes, it was all indistinct, he _couldn't see-_

**It exists, and that is all you need to know.**

He was calm again. He looked forward, at the person sitting behind the desk (sitting on what? A chair? _He couldn't see-_ ). "Where am I?"

**You would call it heaven.**

He blinked. "Heaven?"

**Sometimes, humans don't reincarnate. Those humans end up here. That is all you need to know.**

" _Why_?" 

**What did you live for?**

"My… my sister, Hatsune. I-"

**You wanted to help people like her.**

He looked down. A file was in his hands.

**We can give you the chance to help again.**

He opened the file and was hit with images, information, emotion. He saw a young woman with silver hair who was weak, always weak, living a life filled with hospital waiting rooms and tears.

**As a guardian angel, you would be assigned to protect one person.**

"Protect them from what?"

**Themselves. Keep them happy and alive.**

He looked at the file again, and was hit with new images: pain in his (her?) chest, floating in and out of consciousness, needles and pills and pain that ran deep as blood.

"I'll do it."

Though he couldn't see the person (angel?) he got the sense that they were smiling.

 **Good**.

* * *

The next person he spoke to was Hideki Hinata, who insisted Yuzuru called him by his given name, and he was actually a person; as in, Yuzuru could _see_ him, texture and all. He wore an all-white suit and had a friendly smile- the first smile Yuzuru had seen since he died.

"As an angel, you can do things humans can't. You can see anything and anyone on Earth at any time. You can know human's thoughts and emotions, and even control them a little. You can perform minor miracles: healing, epiphanies, that kind of thing, but using it too much will burn you up. _Literally_. You can see your human's fate and the fate of those closest to them."

"Wait, their _fate_? I can see their future?"

"Sort of. Not really their _future_ , just choices and how those choices affect them." Hinata shrugged. "You'll understand when you do it. And before you do, you should know there are rules," he said, almost apologetically.

"Like what?"

"No showing your true form to humans for any reason," he counted on his fingers, "No causing death or serious injury to humans. No excessive use of your abilities. In general, you have to act 'appropriately' at all times." He used air quotes.

"Appropriately?"

"Cold, I guess. Your job isn't to make your human _happy_ , just to keep them from being absolutely miserable."

"But the angel from before-"

"I know what they said," Hinata said urgently but not unkindly. "But their definition of happiness is ...different." He paused, then sighed and said reluctantly, "There's one more rule. An important one."

"What is it?"

"You can't love."

Yuzuru blinked. "I can't _love_? What happens if I do?"

"You'll be judged by Puriel and if you're found guilty, you'll Fall." His wings twitched. "Trust me, Puriel is _not_ someone you want to be judged by."

"Fall? What does that mean?"

"They burn off your wings, cast you out of heaven, and erase the memory of you."

"Oh," he said. "That's a little harsh, isn't it?"

"Angels aren't supposed to love," Hinata said simply, shrugging again.

Yuzuru blinked. "Okay, I guess. No loving. When do I start?"

"You already have." Hinata gestured at their surroundings: A garden with a tree at the center. It was beautiful, ethereal even, but no matter how hard Yuzuru looked, describing it further was impossible. "This is technically a hallucination. You're not physical anymore. Just close your eyes and focus, and you can see whatever you want."

"Okay." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and thought: _Tachibana Kanade_. Nothing happened; there was just darkness. After a moment, he huffed and opened his eyes again. "It didn't wor-"

He stopped. "Oh."

He saw a young woman, maybe eighteen years old, sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed. Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat weak and fluttery, her skin just a shade too pale. He remembered Hinata's words - _You can know human's thoughts and emotions, and even control them a little_ \- and focused again, this time on her thoughts.

He sawsensed _felt_ a jumble of half-formed thoughts and ideas, of emotions and information being processed. He focused and saw an image, not sharp like before but faded and soft around the edges ( _a dream_ , he realized). He pushed closer, and the image clarified a little. He saw a shadow, dark and looming, and a glint of red-

The image disappeared, snatched from right under his fingers, and the next thing he saw was Hinata's displeased face as he grabbed Yuzuru's shoulder like a lifeline. "You can't do that," he said, and he sounded almost _frightened_. "You can't- don't go into humans dreams unless absolutely necessary."

"Okay, okay." Yuzuru put up his hands in surrender. "I won't, I promise."

Hinata inhaled and released his vice-like grip. Yuzuru knew he wasn't imagining the way his hand shook, but he had the grace not to mention it.

Hinata opened his mouth like he was about to say something, closed it, then opened it again. "They're always watching, you know," he finally said, voice not a whisper but quieter than it had been.

"Who is?"

"The higher ups. _Always_. Even when you think they're not. Be careful, Otonashi. Especially of what you feel."


	2. we will stumble through heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd all but shoved Hinata into this life with nothing but a file and a purpose and memories that were like glass, cold and sharp but oh-so-fragile.
> 
> (Memories: angels weren't supposed to talk about them, but when he was alone or lonely or just feeling lost, he closed his eyes and thought of a girl with pink hair and bright eyes, and when he did he swore he felt his heart shudder.
> 
> Angels don't have heart beats, you know. Some of them don't even have hearts.)

"Come on, Kanade," someone squeezed her hand gently, "You can do this."

"It… _hurts_." It felt like her chest was being cracked open and filled with magma, or like a wild animal was desperately clawing its way out. All around her was darkness, and in it she saw flashes of color -orange and red and something that might've been a person- but then there was more pain and the color was gone.

"I know," the voice said, "But you'll make it. You're stronger than this, angel."

She thinks she screamed, but she couldn't be sure because-

-she woke up.

The hospital room wasn't a _familiar_ sight, exactly, but it was one she'd seen before. Tachibana Kanade had been in and out of hospitals her entire life, all because of her weak heart. She'd been on the waiting list for a donor since she was five, but only recently had one been available. Speaking of which-

She looked down at her chest and winced. Though it was covered by her hospital gown, she could feel a dull ache she was sure would get worse once the anesthetic wore off. Mostly, though, she was cold and tired and numb.

She yawned, a brief memory-

( _"you're stronger than this, angel"_ )

-going through her mind. She frowned as she tried to place the memory, but it slipped away like water. She might've kept attempting to remember the (dream?) feeling, if it weren't for the fact that she was still so _tired_.

Kanade closed her eyes, and on that knife's edge between dreaming and oblivion she could've sworn she felt someone squeeze her hand.

* * *

" _Angel_?" Hinata asked.

Otonashi shrugged, fiddling with a twig he'd conjured. Hinata was pleased the new Guardian was a fast learner. Some took _years_ to discover the extent of their powers. "She does kind of look like an angel, doesn't she?" 

Hinata tilted his head, quickly looking at Tachibana. She was young -maybe seventeen or eighteen?- her long hair spread beneath her as she slept. It was a premature gray that looked silver in the harsh light of the hospital room, streaks of black showing what once was. Her skin was paler than seemed healthy, her face calm and still like it'd been carved from stone.

Angels came in all shapes and sizes (or _no_ shapes and sizes), but if Hinata were a clueless human, he'd probably think Tachibana looked exactly like an angel. "Yeah, I guess," he admitted.

Otonashi was still fidgeting with the twig, tearing off leaves that never went anywhere. Hinata watched as they spiralled downward before fading from existence. The thing about heaven: everything was fascinatingly, _overwhelmingly_ beautiful.

"Are there others?"

Hinata jumped, startled out of his almost-trance. "Other what?" He asked.

"Other angels."

"Oh. Yes. Hold on-" Hinata searched for the angels that he knew and, like tugging on a string, drew them closer (or was he drawing himself closer?).

They followed. Between one second and the next, their surroundings changed from a nondescript void of light to… a teacher's lounge. On one side of the room was a large desk, in front of it two couches facing each other with a table in the middle, behind it a large window overlooking a highschool campus (empty, of course).

They'd chosen this as their meeting place because… because-

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He couldn't remember.

"Oh! Is this the new Guardian?" Ōyama, a blond-haired, green eyed Virtue asked.

Hinata was snapped out of his thoughts. "Guys, this is Otonashi. Otonashi, this is Ōyama-"

"Hi!"

"Fujimaki-"

The dark haired Power eyed Otonashi with obvious dislike. "What's up, punk?"

"Don't call me punk."

"Matsushita. He has a fifth degree black belt, so everyone calls him Matsushita the 5th out of respect."

Matsushita the 5th, a heavy set Power, waved.

"And the Power hiding in the corner is Shiina," he finished. Shiina, who was wearing all black and seemed to be attempting to drown in her scarf, simply nodded.

"Power?" Otonashi questioned.

Hinata blanched. "Oh! Right. How could I forget?"

"Because you're a shit teacher," Fujimaki said.

"How foolish," Shiina agreed.

Hinata ignored them. "There are three Heavenly Spheres, each with three Heavenly Classes. You and I are in the lowest class of the Third Sphere, Guardian Angels, who watch over individual or small groups of humans; then there are Archangels, who oversee human military and political matters; and Principalities, who guide and protect large groups of humans.

"The Second Sphere has Powers, which are basically soldiers -Shiina and Fujimaki are both Powers; Ōyama and Matsushita are in the next class, Virtues, who are in charge of miracles and nature; and then Dominions, which basically rule all the lower Spheres and Classes.

"The First Sphere has Thrones, Cherubim, and Seraphim. They're direct servants of God, so no one is sure what exactly they do." Hinata waved a hand. "But don't worry, you'll probably never meet anyone above a Virtue."

Otonashi nodded as if he wasn't going to immediately forget everything Hinata just said. "And what about-?" He waved at a space behind himself. "Aren't angels supposed to have wings?"

"Oh my God," Fujimaki nearly shouted. "You didn't tell him about _wings_?"

Hinata winced. "It's my first day," he said weakly. "Cut me some slack." He turned to Otonashi. "Wings are only visible on Earth, but you can see them in heaven if you will them into existence."

He focused, and his wings shot out of his back: huge and pure white, shining as bright as heavenly fire. "It takes a lot of practice, so don't be disappointed if-"

Otonashi's wings came into existence in a burst of light and gold.

"-you can't summon them right away." He sighed. "Of _course_."

After Matsushita took it upon himself to teach Otonashi everything Hinata had "surely forgotten", Hinata lounged in the office chair with his feet on the desk. The position reminded him of something (some _one?_ ), but he couldn't remember who.

He laughed as Otonashi attempted to fly with his newfound wings. Shiina had stated multiple times how foolish it was, Fujimaki was laughing, Matsushita watched them like an exasperated mother, and Otonashi was… launching himself into the ceiling. _Again_.

The Guardian was fitting in well, which Hinata couldn't help but take a bit of pride in. His own guide had been… less than welcoming, to say the least. He'd all but shoved Hinata into this life with nothing but a file and a purpose and memories that were like glass, cold and sharp but oh-so-fragile.

(Memories: angels weren't supposed to talk about them, but when he was alone or lonely or just feeling lost, he closed his eyes and thought of a girl with pink hair and bright eyes, and when he did he swore he felt his heart shudder.

Angels don't have heart beats, you know. Some of them don't even have hearts.)

 **_THUMP_**. "Dammit!" Otonashi yelled. "Can we please take this outside?"

"Sure," Hinata said. "Ōyama?" Ōyama nodded and waved a hand. The room faded into light, and when it returned it was no longer a room but a meadow. Hinata was sitting beneath a large tree, perfect for shade, and the others were sitting among the grass and wildflowers.

Otonashi blinked at his new surroundings. "Can you show me how to do that?" He asked Ōyama. "I can conjure small things, but not entire _fields_."

"Sure! It's easier if you already have a picture of what you want, and I'm a Virtue so nature is easy for me. You should start with conjuring places you've been before…"

Above them the sun sat, unmoving, watching.

* * *

Shiina Eri, like most lesser angels, was once a human. Like most Powers, she was once a warrior. She hadn't been human for years (for decades or centuries or more, she wasn't certain), but war isn't something you forget.

Eri stilled as she sensed something on Earth. A mission, her instincts told her. A _fight_.

Quietly, she left.

* * *

"Hinata?"

It was some time later. The others had left -Shiina and Fujimaki on a mission, probably, the others for their own work- and it was just him and Otonashi.

Otonashi's attempts at large scale conjuring had not been successful, though he'd made progress. After a while, Ōyama had taken them back to the meadow. It was… quieter, without its Creator there to sustain it, almost unnaturally still.

"Yes?"

* * *

Eri descended to the Earthly plane. She circled the space that had alerted her. It was a forest, vast and isolated from human civilization.

* * *

Otonashi sat beside him. "I have a question." He looked at Hinata, brown eyes lit burgundy by inner fire. "If there are angels… then are there demons?"

* * *

Eri cast her Grace throughout the forest and _felt_ it, a **burn** in her soul and Grace and blood and bone.

Adrenaline sang like holy fire in her veins as she flew forward, sword in hand.

* * *

"Yes," Hinata said, and thought of Falling, of burning and screaming and wrath and a name he couldn't quite recall _(Y-_ _Yu-_ ). "And they're worse than you could ever imagine."

* * *

Beneath the Earth, a general commanded her army.


End file.
